Dreams

I have dreams,  I dreamt of being a writer once in a while and I wonder whether my stuff is good enough.  Right here I m writing from the heart, no order, no caring as to how it looks, just pure and raw.  I wonder if people are ready for that.  Am I ready to bare about myself.  Do I have to bare it all..I dont think so... Im going to write for me and what happens happens...I have to be true to myself.  I used to have a leader personality and be in charge of a huge organization...Now Im "weak" this person says and Im wondering is it true?  Have I descended so much and if so how can I change that?  My psychologist tells me to be my own advocate and I am these days.. more so than before.  I fight for my right, for my image and its difficult to change the role I have been in all my life.  On the outside I might have looked strong but on the inside I think Im better now.  I take more risks with my life as opposed to no risks.  I make my own decisions..Its all about seeing myself in a different light.. I dont like the way that person sees me and Im wondering whether that person deserves to be in my life.  Do I need another negative mirror?  I can be my own negativev mirror and yet he brings up things the way they seem to the outer world.  I think its about learning how to portray myself in a different light.  Dont mention everything on my mind...censor it...kind of like the opposite of what Im doing now... The scary negative thoughts are going to be here whilst the happy vibrant individual that I really am will be the person I show to the outer world..My therapist tells me about boundaries.  BOUNDARIES...are the topics of most of our sessions.  So this is going to be my theme from now on...notice how i skip subjects :P anyhow this is what I have to say for now..

ciao xxxx